The Hill newspaper did a cool little feature and asked all 97 members of the Senate who aren’t currently running for President if they would accept an offer to be Vice President if asked. Here are some of my favorite responses:
Sen. Bob Bennett (R-Utah)
“Of course. Big house, big car, not much to do. Why not?”
Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.)
“No, I can already preside over the Senate, and I do not enjoy spending a lot of time at ‘undisclosed locations.’ ”
Sen. Tom Carper (D-Del.)
“Yes. Sign me up. I’ve been kidding people for years: The hours are better, the wages are just as good — whoever heard of a vice president getting shot at? — and it’s a great opportunity to travel. And actually since time has gone by, the job is robust … So sure. Anybody here would, if they’re going to be honest. The chances are slim to none. But I promise you, I would deliver all three of Delaware’s electoral votes.”
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.)
“If I were asked I’d probably have to get a divorce, so the answer would probably be no. But I won’t be asked if he [McCain] wants to win.”
Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho)
“I would say ‘No, Hillary.’ ”
Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.)
“Are you kidding? Every senator would accept that offer. My guess is that almost every senator looks at themselves in the mirror in the morning and sees either a future president or vice president.”
Sen. Judd Gregg (R-N.H.)
“No. I don’t like going to funerals.”
Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa)
“No, I’d have Jon Stewart stand in for me. Jon Stewart. That’s my guy.”
Sen. Daniel Inouye (D-Hawaii)
“If I were asked, I would say, ‘You’re out of your mind.’ ”
Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.)
“I plan to stick with my current job until I get the hang of it.”
Sen. Mel Martinez (R-Fla.)
“I’d say, ‘Please read the Constitution.’ I wasn’t born in America; I can’t be VP.”
Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.)
“If I were asked, I would ask some mental health professionals to visit Barack Obama. I just think Sen. Obama is way too smart to pick me. I’m not a good pick, and he’s smarter than that. That’s why he’s going to make such a good president.”
Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.)
“Absolutely. Absolutely. I think I would be great. First of all, I know how to behave at weddings and funerals. And I know how to be commander in chief. I’d bring a lot of fun to the job. We would rock the Naval Observatory.”
Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)
“No. I’ve got too many things that I still want to do as a senator. And I don’t like the idea of a job where you sit around and wait for someone to die.”
Sen. Roger Wicker (R-Miss.)
“The chances of that are so remote that I’m more likely to be hit by an asteroid.”
For the record, I think Senator Dorgan had the most honest, and accurate, answer. Big ups to Maryland’s own Senator Mikulski too for her answer.